In the world of POLITICS, Personality Disorders are our biggest threat.

Royal Flushes, and other things that go 'bump' in the night.

When we are deprived of a Voice of Reason, we tend to lose our way. We may find ourselves questioning everything, including undeniable facts and truths, and we’ll inevitably second-guess ourselves on virtually every decision and life choice we make.

Borderlines try to separate us from any reliable sources of information. If they tell us something often enough, we start to believe it. Even our sense of right and wrong is severely undermined, if we are cut off from family and friends, just as Meghan Markle did with (former Prince) Harry. She selfishly goaded him to act-out in ways that made the Royal Family deem him unworthy of his title, and they stripped him of it. Imagine the powerful influence that a once-popular little actress had on this guy!

Meghan systematically seduced a deeply damaged, drug-addicted, weak young man and commandeered his entire system. She portrayed his relatives as disinterested and uncaring, and convinced him to disengage from all family members and friends. Markle full-throttled her brainwashing techniques to manipulate Harry’s emotions and any tangible sense of reason~ what little he’d had, at the time of meeting her.

I saw this debacle coming from the time Harry and Meghan began dating, and watched the whole, anticipated train wreck unfold. But how was Harry so easily seduced and captivated by this American gal who’d fantasized about marrying a Prince, since she was a little girl?

The mechanics of this type of life choice aren’t as complex as we might presume. Based on our subconsciously-driven Attraction Strategy, who we grew up loving, whether they returned our adoration or not, is who we bond with and marry in adulthood. Simply put, this choice of partners (for better or worse) feels compelling, because we are building our relationship based on a childhood blueprint which has us feeling like someone’s a “solid fit” ~ even during periods of painful conflict.

Many will detest me for stating this, but “Princess Di” had Borderline Personality Disorder traits. She struggled for many years with an eating disorder, and could not resist flying a bit too close to the bright, hyper-validating spotlight of the media’s attention. Each of her humanitarian acts that centered around visiting under-fed, ill, struggling children in third world countries, elicited great awe and devotion from people all around the globe. To those who witnessed these altruistic acts, Diana was viewed as a Saint.

But given all these extended absences from her two little boys, did we ever stop to wonder how her frequent travel to distant places impacted them? Prince Charles, the children’s father was entrenched in a long-standing affair with Camilla, which despite the British press’s noblest efforts to hide their liaisons that had spanned many years before his marriage to Diana, was a well known fact. An issue we might conclude, that factored into Diana’s indulgence in extramarital romances of her own. Having wed a somewhat cold, pompous man whose heart belonged to another on their (highly publicized) Royal Wedding day, who could blame her?

Many clients in past years have told me what a “wonderful, giving, charitable woman their mother was, and that the entire town in which they lived, adored her” ~and yet, these adult children consistently yearned for their mother’s presence, affection, warmth and nurturance during her absences. Still, Mother sits high atop a pedestal, based on adulation for her they routinely absorbed from their neighbors. Hundreds of clients have reported what a “good woman” their mother was, and I have no doubt this is true . . . but was she a Good Mother, beyond providing basic, perfunctory care?

Every one of us had a mother. Very few of us however, got to have a “Mommy.” William and Harry had only sporadic visits with Diana, during which she gave them a lot of affection and warmth. Grandparents lavish their grandkids with attention and gifts~ but theirs is still only a part-time job. During brief interludes in-between Diana’s many philanthropic, globe-trotting trips away from home, she was attentive to her boys (we’ve been shown photos) but was it ever enough?? If you water a plant only occasionally, will it have an opportunity to thrive?

Children raised by BPD mothers grow up to bond with and marry BPD partners. When a child can’t get enough consistent, nurturant supplies from his mother, he experiences painful feelings of longing and yearning to have his adoration for her reciprocated~ yet this intensely-felt need for love, remains unrequited.

Throughout childhood, his sense of “Love” has become inextricably entwined with the pain of longing and yearning. He has no other frame of reference for what genuine, “true love” is supposed to feel like. Hence, his lifelong ideation of this emotion is, “if it doesn’t hurt, it can’t possibly be the real thing.” Tragically, millions live their entire lives, believing that love equals pain, and vice-versa~ which is a moldy old ‘leftover’ from infancy and early childhood, that powerfully influences who we choose to love.

Our painful yearning for love has nothing whatsoever to do with the emotion of love itself! Real love is never painful~ because the one who loves us back, is present, emotionally available, supportive, affectionate, caring and responsive to our feelings and needs. Ya can’t painfully long for someone you have deep feelings for, unless they’re inaccessible, and beyond your reach.

We are in love with our birth mother, before we’re born. The bond we form with her in-utero is profound and unshakable. This bond we’ve developed with the woman housing us in her uterus for 8 to 9 months, is called, “attachment,” and it takes considerable neglect and/or abuse during childhood, to dilute or diminish it.

Core shame is experienced by an infant whose affectional bond with Mother is not reciprocated, once he is born. His only way of interpreting her lack of adoration, is to presume he is not good enough or lovable. This child readily adopts the ideation that it must be His fault, his maternal object cannot or will not love him, as he loves her.

Thousands of Borderlines have told me, none of my relationships have worked out for me. They’ve all ended in disaster. When they’ve called in crisis following an agonizing breakup and regale me with stories of not having been able to “get enough attention and love” from their partners, I ask only one question:

Have you EVER dated someone who was thoughtful, generous with their time, caring, affectionate and emotionally responsive to you and your needs? Their answer is typically “yes.” When I ask what happened to the connection they had with those lovers, their reply is consistently the same: “Oh, we grew apart,” or “I just got bored with that guy or gal,” or “I didn’t feel in-love anymore.”

When these men or women were with someone stable and emotionally reliable, the hyper-intense feelings they had during the initial ‘Honeymoon’ phase of their dance, naturally settled and waned a bit. Nobody can feel intensely “in love” with another, 24/7. It’s just not humanly possible. Hell, most can’t even stand being alone with themselves, without engaging in hyper-critical inner-dialogue (which is especially true among perfectionists)!

The core wounded BPD individual presumes it couldn’t really have been “true love,” if they felt an intense connection with their lover yesterday, but do not today. In light of this, they more often than not, impulsively toss that relationship aside like a snot-saturated tissue.

With the advent of a little distance over the next several weeks or months, memories of ‘the good times’ shared with a lover may resurface, which is when the Borderline may reach out to their Ex, hoping to reignite the intensity of emotional engagement they felt at the very start with him or her. If the re-seduction is successful, the good times at the start of re-engagement are ephemeral~ because Roller-coaster (come-here/go-away) relationships are commonplace among people with BPD traits.

Periods of retreat or distancing are interspersed with episodes of intense connection that for both parties, actually feel deeply intimate and emotionally secure~ but these are very fleeting. Borderlines are afraid of attachment~ even (sadly) to their own children. There exists in them a subliminal belief that if they allow themselves to fully bond with another, they will not survive losing them.

Loving someone deeply, presents a substantial risk for every human being, because it means we cannot help but need the other, emotionally. Borderlines fear needing you (even within a therapeutic context), because it represents for them a loss of Self. They can never be ‘all in’ when it comes to investing emotionally in a relationship~ any relationship. The risk is just too high.

So, is it difficult for BPD gals to cut themselves off from intimate male contact, in protest over an election outcome?? If we consider that one with Borderline traits cannot fully bond with another due to lifelong attachment fears, might it make sense that a self-imposed four year sexual hiatus represents something far less than an actual sacrifice?

Finally, if one shaves her head in political protest, is she harming anyone but herself?? I think this plan is gonna backfire folks, ‘cause a lotta guys are finally coming outta the ether, and realizing how critically unstable their lovers or wives really are.

PS: Men are accustomed to being without female contact for many months and years at a time~ ask anyone who’s been deployed to fight in a war zone. From where I’m sitting, this next chapter in American life promises to be intriguing and even entertaining, to say the very least.