Online DEBATES: Are they useful~ or do they merely gratify our painful, unmet needs for attention??

Is debating really our need to defend our beliefs and be “right” about our position on an issue~ or merely our craving for interaction, stimulation and attention? I suspect it’s more often than not, the latter.

In (accidentally) landing on a few interactive jousts here on Substack, I’m amused by what appears to be people’s tenacious, ongoing need to keep up these volleys, and I think to myself, did this person ever get enough attention and respect for their feelings as a child??

We all wanna be seen and heard. But these lengthy, ongoing microcosm-type online battles suggest something more is at work for these people, than standing by their convictions, and basking in authentic self-esteem.

Firstly, you can never get a satisfying verbal or written outcome with someone who vibrates at a lower frequency than you do. This is discrepancy is discernible fairly quickly, if you’re paying attention to what feels like incongruent responses to what you’ve written.

These types of roadblocks assert themselves when we encounter those who are emotionally underdeveloped (which sadly, makes up 80% of the world’s population). These developmentally arrested folks are incapable of abstract thinking. They cannot SEE the bigger picture of what you’re trying to convey, nor can they respond effectively to it, any more than a very young child might.

When these people get upset, frustrated or riled up, their go-to defense is to engage in name-calling. This is your unmistakable clue that you’re dealing with someone whose emotional development is that of a 3 - 4 year old, at most.

Underdeveloped individuals can think ONLY in concrete terms. Their capacity for comprehension and integration of information is severely limited, though at times they may come across as exceptionally bright. When they do, it’s typically because they’ve parroted information they’ve read or heard, or plagiarized someone else’s original works.

Secondly, no matter how much hard evidence you present a developmentally arrested individual with, you won’t get ‘em to change their mind once it’s made up about a specific issue or concern. WHY is this? Because they literally cannot see the world thru your broader lens. They have little or no capacity for circumspection, logic or rationale~ so clinging fiercely to their beliefs and assumptions is truly the only sense of security and safety they have. Challenge these beliefs in any way, and you’re threatening to erode the very foundation on which their house sits.

You may have noticed that challenging a hyper-religious individual’s perspectives goes absolutely nowhere. They may make statements to you regarding what they believe is true about their church’s principles or doctrines that your rational mind hears as utterly ludicrous. But if you ask ‘em a question that forces them to rationally defend their stance, they immediately see you as The Devil.

A client years ago, asked me to have a session with his wife who’d agreed to meet with me. She’s a dogmatic, hyper-religious churchgoer, which is not at all uncommon among people with Borderline Personality Disorder traits (Borderlines crave and need sense of containment- a firm and often rigid set of parameters that can guide them in how to think, what to believe and how to behave).

Anyhow, my client’s wife made a statement to me regarding God and her religious views that made no logical sense, and I simply queried her about it. Due to not being able to defend her stated position (much like a plethora of Trump-haters can’t define WHY they hate the man) she immediately buckled, did not respond to my question, and painted me black. In her mind, I was instantly and irrevocably, Lucifer.

Faith is one thing, and I’m a huge proponent of it. Blind faith is quite another.

And so, my friends~ if you’re tempted to engage with fanatic, irrational people on the Substack platform (or any other), remember to ask yourself: Is there any way I can make better, more productive use of my time and energy, than trying to reason with someone who’s incapable of rational, logical thought processes, and who desperately needs my attention, in order to access stimulation and feel aliveness??

Borderlines are Attention Whores. It’s a horrible term, and I chide myself a little each time I use it~ but it’s true. They’ll do literally anything to get it. IF you give-in to a Borderline’s desperate, unquenchable need for attention, you’re merely playing their game, feeding their inner Monster, and perpetuating their dysfunction! The more attention you supply to a Borderline who seeks it, the more you enable them to avoid getting the kind of professional help they really need to outgrow their BPD traits, and truly recover from this debilitating disorder.