Solid PARENTING spawns Happy, Contented, $uccessful offspring.

And it's a FAR bigger, more complex job than making sure your kids are well-fed and clothed.

Did your parents teach you how to manage money? Did they show you what real love looked like? Did you observe them in loving, playful interaction~ or did you grow up in a war zone, with em bickering or fighting a lot? Did they communicate openly with each other to work thru misunderstandings, or did one or the other shut down and separate from the other when they were upset? Did this same parent do this to you??

Children learn from example. They emulate us, because we're their heroes and role models. They see us as gods, and think we can do no wrong. Whatever they perceive in us and our behavior, is accepted as "normal," and to be parroted.

Is it any wonder that conflict, drama, chaos and profound unhappiness is repeated in couples' lives generation after generation? Your child isn't miserable because he or she was picked on at school, or thinks they were born into the wrong gender. They're miserable, because they didn't have the advantage of a solid foundation in childhood, which would have implanted healthy self-worth and an unshakable sense of intrinsic lovability.

They can't get excited about nor look forward to a blissful union with a partner, because it's not been within their lifetime to observe or experience. There's literally no frame of reference for it. No template or blueprint, if you will.

I have only a few vivid childhood memories, because I think I was 'checked-out' a lot of the time due to emotionally painful events I couldn't escape. I ran away from home around the age of 3, and our family dog, Cho-cho went with me (little kids sense when “home” isn’t a safe or nourishing place for ‘em, and so do pets that run away).

I remember my dad and mom screaming at each other in our kitchen when I was about 4 years old. I was too young to know WHY they were upset or understand the nature of their verbal exchange, but it hurt me. I needed it to stop, and passionately expressed that at the time. My older sis stood beside me, feeling as hopeless as I to end their battle.

It's a child's prerogative to play, feel safe, feel loved and have their feelings considered and respected. It's his or her birthright to be able to observe two loving parents who admire and respect each other. He/she should have the opportunity to covet and create that same interplay with a beloved partner one day, because it's organically being modeled for em~ afterall, CHILDREN LEARN FROM EXAMPLE.

I never married. It didn't seem to me that marriage was something to desire. I had my blueprint from childhood, and made a conscious choice to NOT construct my own house from those plans. I knew I'd be a lousy mother, as I'd learned very little about how to love a child from my own early life experiences. As a young woman I was way too busy trying to surmount those early setbacks, to take on passengers. I was resolute about these two decisions, never wavered, and never regretted my choices. By the grace of God, I was CONSCIOUS enough as a young woman to make them.

Wouldn't it be grand, if more people were?

If a friend or relative is hell-bent on having a child, do em a favor. Pass this post along to ‘em, so they can at least blend a little reality into their fantasy of what it takes to be a good and loving mom or dad. In fact, tell ‘em to practice first with caring for and loving a dog or cat. Attachment is attachment, whether it’s to a four-legged creature or a two-legged one. Once you learn you’re capable of fully loving and bonding with an animal, perhaps you’ll finally be equipped to know how to effectively love a human child.