Hmm. My wife and I have had some nasty quarrels. And neither of our children, in their 30s, have any interest in starting a family. Is there a connection? Maybe so. But I think it's more complex than that.
Hi John, My father occasionally spoke of a little friend he had in boyhood. He'd spent time at this friend's home, watching in AWE how playful, loving and affectionate this kid's parents were (VERY different from my dad's home life with a mentally unstable mom and abusive father). My dad remarked how often his little friend used to exclaim, "I can't WAIT to grow up and get married!" due to having consistently observed the delightful interplay between his parents, no doubt. This was his frame of reference, for what "Marriage" was.
My father married a mentally unstable woman (my mom), who was diagnosed with schizophrenia 2 years after they divorced, and was in and out of mental institutions throughout most of my childhood. My dad never found a loving, congruent marital fit for himself~ despite marrying two more times, after he and my mother divorced when I was 5.
My personal opinion and viewpoint is, parents 'set up' their children's expectations about love and commitment from the time they are born, and beyond. Who'd wanna replicate living in a War Zone, if that's primarily what they saw and learned about marriage while growing up? I can't help but smile wryly when people in unhappy marriages say to me, "I'm staying for the kid's sake." They're not. They're just scared to be alone with their own self-abuse. It's the children who suffer most, when they have to live in a battle zone.
I hold no judgement about your situation. We are all products of our environment~ and with any luck, we try to LEARN from other people's mistakes, so as not to repeat their painful outcomes. My sister had two kids. One turned out pretty well, and the other has been miserable (and sickly) lifelong. They're both middle-aged now.
My older sister's greatest gift to me, was providing a PERFECT example of Who I never wanted to become. My parents were honest, integrous people, but to say I got a great start in life from them, would be overstating. Then again, having to surmount those childhood setbacks and challenges, spawned in me an unrelenting determination to rebuild and repair myself and arrive at 'content and happy' one day (I have)~ as opposed to nose-diving off a tall building (which I contemplated seriously, at age 20).
In closing, marriage, cohabitation and kids are NOT for Everyone. I think it's each individual's job to try and know themselves as intimately as possible, so they can check-in and discern what sorts of compromises they're most adaptable and agreeable to, at every stage in life. :~)
Hmm. My wife and I have had some nasty quarrels. And neither of our children, in their 30s, have any interest in starting a family. Is there a connection? Maybe so. But I think it's more complex than that.
Hi John, My father occasionally spoke of a little friend he had in boyhood. He'd spent time at this friend's home, watching in AWE how playful, loving and affectionate this kid's parents were (VERY different from my dad's home life with a mentally unstable mom and abusive father). My dad remarked how often his little friend used to exclaim, "I can't WAIT to grow up and get married!" due to having consistently observed the delightful interplay between his parents, no doubt. This was his frame of reference, for what "Marriage" was.
My father married a mentally unstable woman (my mom), who was diagnosed with schizophrenia 2 years after they divorced, and was in and out of mental institutions throughout most of my childhood. My dad never found a loving, congruent marital fit for himself~ despite marrying two more times, after he and my mother divorced when I was 5.
My personal opinion and viewpoint is, parents 'set up' their children's expectations about love and commitment from the time they are born, and beyond. Who'd wanna replicate living in a War Zone, if that's primarily what they saw and learned about marriage while growing up? I can't help but smile wryly when people in unhappy marriages say to me, "I'm staying for the kid's sake." They're not. They're just scared to be alone with their own self-abuse. It's the children who suffer most, when they have to live in a battle zone.
I hold no judgement about your situation. We are all products of our environment~ and with any luck, we try to LEARN from other people's mistakes, so as not to repeat their painful outcomes. My sister had two kids. One turned out pretty well, and the other has been miserable (and sickly) lifelong. They're both middle-aged now.
My older sister's greatest gift to me, was providing a PERFECT example of Who I never wanted to become. My parents were honest, integrous people, but to say I got a great start in life from them, would be overstating. Then again, having to surmount those childhood setbacks and challenges, spawned in me an unrelenting determination to rebuild and repair myself and arrive at 'content and happy' one day (I have)~ as opposed to nose-diving off a tall building (which I contemplated seriously, at age 20).
In closing, marriage, cohabitation and kids are NOT for Everyone. I think it's each individual's job to try and know themselves as intimately as possible, so they can check-in and discern what sorts of compromises they're most adaptable and agreeable to, at every stage in life. :~)