"Falling in love with me" is exactly what I realized I've been wanting and have never had a fair fighting chance what with my meddling parents always derailing me and depriving me of this goal. As of late, I've been getting better at falling in love with myself, and it's dawned upon me how little time I've known of life living through this lens. But I know it's working because just a week ago, my parents (who I've been trying to estrange from and have gone No Contact for a year) showed up unannounced at my place! And I did not let them in! They had all sorts of excuses for their visit (legal docs that needed my signature, childhood books for me to pick up etc). But I didn't cave. Seeing how their approach to this was so undignified and disrespectful to me and to themselves, I've realized the reason I've never been able to fall in love with myself is because I never had a protector who encouraged and protected my space where I could practice this self-love. I now actively have to be my own protector because with parents like these, I'll always be used as bait to their agenda.
I had a lot of family this last weekend crawl out of the woodworks to emotionally blackmail me at not letting my own parents in to see me. But I'm realizing that they've all led their life. I now owe it to myself to live mine, that my duty is to myself and my future and in order to protect my future, I have to essentially protect myself even if it's from family like this. I've always felt that "winning the lottery is easier than getting out of this family". But I'm glad that I'm also now no longer an easy mark - that for the first time in their adult lives, they had to feel the full weight of their accountability that they spent all this time and money to fly up here on a whim to meet with me despite my not confirming, tried to capitalize on my empathy and guilt like they have in the past, all to leave empty handed. Slowly but surely, I'm getting stronger and the love I have for myself is getting stronger as well :D I hope it continues to grow in its potency!
With emotionally HEALTHY people, boundary setting is never necessary. A sentient, grounded individual honors, respects and is sensitive to their OWN boundaries, so it never occurs to them to violate Yours. Your parents have no sense of boundaries or empathy, and it would appear they lack impulse control as well. Sounds a lot like BPD traits to me! Many of my clients over the years, have moved clear across the country to escape the toxic grasp of a parent or two. A few have moved to another country, to accomplish this aim! You're taking great care of YOU, and I applaud you! Hang in there... it does get easier to forge your own way in this lifetime, and attain contentment and happiness. BRAVA!
WOW... Preyeah!!! I'm so fucking PROUD of you! What genuine empowerment you've demonstrated! You indeed, are growing stronger and much healthier. Good for YOU! Most would have 'caved' and relented. You did not. HOW MARVELOUS of you to share this story with me! Thank you!!!
"Falling in love with me" is exactly what I realized I've been wanting and have never had a fair fighting chance what with my meddling parents always derailing me and depriving me of this goal. As of late, I've been getting better at falling in love with myself, and it's dawned upon me how little time I've known of life living through this lens. But I know it's working because just a week ago, my parents (who I've been trying to estrange from and have gone No Contact for a year) showed up unannounced at my place! And I did not let them in! They had all sorts of excuses for their visit (legal docs that needed my signature, childhood books for me to pick up etc). But I didn't cave. Seeing how their approach to this was so undignified and disrespectful to me and to themselves, I've realized the reason I've never been able to fall in love with myself is because I never had a protector who encouraged and protected my space where I could practice this self-love. I now actively have to be my own protector because with parents like these, I'll always be used as bait to their agenda.
I had a lot of family this last weekend crawl out of the woodworks to emotionally blackmail me at not letting my own parents in to see me. But I'm realizing that they've all led their life. I now owe it to myself to live mine, that my duty is to myself and my future and in order to protect my future, I have to essentially protect myself even if it's from family like this. I've always felt that "winning the lottery is easier than getting out of this family". But I'm glad that I'm also now no longer an easy mark - that for the first time in their adult lives, they had to feel the full weight of their accountability that they spent all this time and money to fly up here on a whim to meet with me despite my not confirming, tried to capitalize on my empathy and guilt like they have in the past, all to leave empty handed. Slowly but surely, I'm getting stronger and the love I have for myself is getting stronger as well :D I hope it continues to grow in its potency!
With emotionally HEALTHY people, boundary setting is never necessary. A sentient, grounded individual honors, respects and is sensitive to their OWN boundaries, so it never occurs to them to violate Yours. Your parents have no sense of boundaries or empathy, and it would appear they lack impulse control as well. Sounds a lot like BPD traits to me! Many of my clients over the years, have moved clear across the country to escape the toxic grasp of a parent or two. A few have moved to another country, to accomplish this aim! You're taking great care of YOU, and I applaud you! Hang in there... it does get easier to forge your own way in this lifetime, and attain contentment and happiness. BRAVA!
WOW... Preyeah!!! I'm so fucking PROUD of you! What genuine empowerment you've demonstrated! You indeed, are growing stronger and much healthier. Good for YOU! Most would have 'caved' and relented. You did not. HOW MARVELOUS of you to share this story with me! Thank you!!!