Men married to Borderlines always get it wrong, when they "stay for the children's sake." It's a convenient, tidy little excuse to postpone leaving for all the SECRET reasons guys have, like guilt, fear of being alone, intimidation about entering the dating scene again, etc... still, two wrongs NEVER make a right.
Quite contrary to what you might think, you cannot "protect" your kids from a dysfunctional woman, WHILE you are living under the same roof! To make matters worse, youโre also showing them, it's okay to remain with someone who makes you miserable~ and kids always learn BEST from example! In short, they're gonna grow up replicating YOUR marital relationship, because you've given them only that blueprint to follow!
A man needs to leave an unstable, impaired woman as rapidly as humanly possible, to create for himself and his children, a serene, calm, loving environment for them with a single (and hopefully) SANE parent. These children MUST have a chance to experience and form a frame of reference for what healthy NORMALCY feels like, or they are lost, and forever trapped in choosing dysfunctional relationship dynamics for themselves, because this is all they ever got to grow up observing!
I always get triggered when a male says, "I have to stay (in a loveless, passionless marriage) for my children's sake." It's selfish, nonsensical, self-serving, BULLSHIT. These guys are staying for their OWN sake~ never their kid's~ because every year that passes while living in a war zone, those children suffer even more!
Guys, your kids would happily spend time with you in a hovel~ if only you would provide them with stable, consistent affection, concern, understanding and care that's not constantly diluted by the crazy bitch you've consigned them to live with, FULL TIME.
Wake the fuck up, my dears. Yes, it takes balls to leave~ but with the right kind of help, you can grow a pair.
My goodness, dear Shari! You remind me of the late Roy Masters of radio fame; he's the guy that wrote the book How Your Mind Can Keep You Well(1960) and was a former professional hypnotist who based his book on his work in that field. On his longtime radio show, whenever he had a difficult caller on the air who gave him trouble(that didn't happen often), Roy would go for the jugular and tell that person what they needed to hear, not what they WANTED to hear. You, my dear Shari, are a female version of old Roy himself! ๐๐๐๐๐