Until we get the highly specialized help we need to dismantle and heal our Core Trauma wounds, our primal needs will ALWAYS take precedence over our adult needs. This is not a consciously held condition. It's simply an integral part of our human nature.
When people grow up; a biological madness takes over. This is the desire for good sex.
I think the idea of good sex, the fantasy of good sex; the aftermath of an incredible evening
(Kissing, nibbling, cuddling, soft voices, and funny jokes), as skin touches the skin; and a person's body is gently explored, and water is shared from the same glass like a pagan-ritual (With the desire and fantasy of a happy healthy family bubbling on the backburner now potentially manifesting); makes women swoon.
If you think really deeply about it, and if you try to think like a woman, you will start to agree with them; fantasize with them; and feel that the only meaningful activity in this whole world is good passionate sex; I mean, what else is there?
(Herbert Marcuse's Eros and Civilization almost reaches the same conclusion; He argues that Authoritarianism comes from the suppression of Eros to do meaningful work; and thus create structures and institutions; so we have to reduce masculinity and increase femininity; unlock the erotic principle in society; and thus "save it".) Herbert Marcuse, among others, was a leading philosopher for the counter-culture of 60s which brought about the Sexual revolution.
When I think of sex between mal-adaptive personalities (I like the term maladaptive because I feel it's just that - a mal-adaptation to Trauma), I recognize that it is incredibly lacking in any meaningful romantic foreplay or after play. It's emotionally hostile in these very sweet tender vulnerable moments.
Mal-adaptive personalities will say the most vicious things - like a little ice pick at your heart - when you are in this acutely vulnerable state with them.
They get you naked, get you bonded, get you sweet and close; and as your heart is open, submissive and truly open; poison starts to flow. True recovery is to realize that they can't help it, and thus no tender moments should ever be shared.
Even they're just silent, act like dead fish, get on their phones, or are just disconnected, know that this is silent numbness is also poisonous. It robs you of vitality.
-----
I discovered you by great heavenly fortune when I was 20, about 4 years back.
Someone had just ghosted me, and I decided that there is more to this than meets the eye.
God sent your page, gettinbetter, to me.
When I read, I decided to do something; silently, I opened my heart to you and believed everything you said to me. I took your word like God's message; and it wholly transformed me; for the better.
I try to think about why people don't change; even when they might get terrific sagely advice from individuals like you; I think it's this.
Emotional abandonment causes one to focus too much on our primal needs; We hang by on a thread from this world, and that is our sexual energy. Our sexuality makes us feel alive. Getting emotionally healthy and whole causes a temporary loss of sexual energy; as the body, mind and spirit are in-conflict to make better psychological and behavioral patterns. For a person who feels alive only through sexuality, a temporary loss of sexual energy FEELS like death. So, a whole lot of people stay stuck in their mal-adaptive patterns because at least, once in a while, they feel Sexual; and thus alive.
If you drop your standards, there is no limit to sex in this world. One has to say No a lot, in order to have the beautiful erotic fantasy be realized in its healthy wholeness.
Only through inner work, can one realize that one is more than their genitals. Some of us will never make that journey. One can only pity them as innocent babies.
You're welcome! Actually, it's the addictive/compulsive drive (in whatever form it takes) that makes us feel dead inside, when we start to surrender it, for an existence that yields delayed gratification, rather than instant. Only then, can one begin to grow emotionally thru feeling and learning not to fear and dread the inner deadness, emptiness and flatness/boredom, they've always run from. :~)
Great share @ritvikkhare .I liked shari's response to yours, and do see how it is about the addictive compulsive drive. My responses and reactions to that drive, make me feel dead, deadens my ability to communicate considerately to a partner with reason, integrity, and humility ( absent of pride and fear)
When people grow up; a biological madness takes over. This is the desire for good sex.
I think the idea of good sex, the fantasy of good sex; the aftermath of an incredible evening
(Kissing, nibbling, cuddling, soft voices, and funny jokes), as skin touches the skin; and a person's body is gently explored, and water is shared from the same glass like a pagan-ritual (With the desire and fantasy of a happy healthy family bubbling on the backburner now potentially manifesting); makes women swoon.
If you think really deeply about it, and if you try to think like a woman, you will start to agree with them; fantasize with them; and feel that the only meaningful activity in this whole world is good passionate sex; I mean, what else is there?
(Herbert Marcuse's Eros and Civilization almost reaches the same conclusion; He argues that Authoritarianism comes from the suppression of Eros to do meaningful work; and thus create structures and institutions; so we have to reduce masculinity and increase femininity; unlock the erotic principle in society; and thus "save it".) Herbert Marcuse, among others, was a leading philosopher for the counter-culture of 60s which brought about the Sexual revolution.
When I think of sex between mal-adaptive personalities (I like the term maladaptive because I feel it's just that - a mal-adaptation to Trauma), I recognize that it is incredibly lacking in any meaningful romantic foreplay or after play. It's emotionally hostile in these very sweet tender vulnerable moments.
Mal-adaptive personalities will say the most vicious things - like a little ice pick at your heart - when you are in this acutely vulnerable state with them.
They get you naked, get you bonded, get you sweet and close; and as your heart is open, submissive and truly open; poison starts to flow. True recovery is to realize that they can't help it, and thus no tender moments should ever be shared.
Even they're just silent, act like dead fish, get on their phones, or are just disconnected, know that this is silent numbness is also poisonous. It robs you of vitality.
-----
I discovered you by great heavenly fortune when I was 20, about 4 years back.
Someone had just ghosted me, and I decided that there is more to this than meets the eye.
God sent your page, gettinbetter, to me.
When I read, I decided to do something; silently, I opened my heart to you and believed everything you said to me. I took your word like God's message; and it wholly transformed me; for the better.
I try to think about why people don't change; even when they might get terrific sagely advice from individuals like you; I think it's this.
Emotional abandonment causes one to focus too much on our primal needs; We hang by on a thread from this world, and that is our sexual energy. Our sexuality makes us feel alive. Getting emotionally healthy and whole causes a temporary loss of sexual energy; as the body, mind and spirit are in-conflict to make better psychological and behavioral patterns. For a person who feels alive only through sexuality, a temporary loss of sexual energy FEELS like death. So, a whole lot of people stay stuck in their mal-adaptive patterns because at least, once in a while, they feel Sexual; and thus alive.
If you drop your standards, there is no limit to sex in this world. One has to say No a lot, in order to have the beautiful erotic fantasy be realized in its healthy wholeness.
Only through inner work, can one realize that one is more than their genitals. Some of us will never make that journey. One can only pity them as innocent babies.
You're welcome! Actually, it's the addictive/compulsive drive (in whatever form it takes) that makes us feel dead inside, when we start to surrender it, for an existence that yields delayed gratification, rather than instant. Only then, can one begin to grow emotionally thru feeling and learning not to fear and dread the inner deadness, emptiness and flatness/boredom, they've always run from. :~)
Great share @ritvikkhare .I liked shari's response to yours, and do see how it is about the addictive compulsive drive. My responses and reactions to that drive, make me feel dead, deadens my ability to communicate considerately to a partner with reason, integrity, and humility ( absent of pride and fear)